PEANUT SAUCE
Yield: About 2 C

METHOD
1. In a small saucepan, heat the peanut oil over medium heat. When hot, add the red curry paste and sautee until aromatic and slightly browned.

2. Carefully pour in half the coconut milk and whisk until smooth. Add the remaining coconut milk, peanuts, brown sugar, and peanut butter. Stir to combine.

3. Taste the peanut sauce at this point. Evaluate for salty, spicy, and sweet. Adjust as necessary. Only add the fish sauce if you need it, which you may not. I rarely need to add it due to the peanuts and peanut butter I use.

4. Heat thoroughly, being very careful to not let the sauce boil; it will separate and become greasy.

5. When hot, add cilantro, stir, and serve.

NOTES
Red curry paste – The key to this sauce. I do use a commercially produced paste (Mae Ploy), but it’s amazing. I also have my own red curry paste recipe that’s very good, but it’s just a hassle to make, considering the commercial alternative is about $4 for two cups.

Brown sugar vs palm sugar – If you know me at all, and are familiar with Thai cuisine, you’ll be wondering why I cheat and use brown sugar instead of the traditional and authentic palm sugar. The answer is simple: Cost, both time and money. I already have tons of brown sugar around the shop so it’s very easy to scoop and go, whereas the palm sugar is needed in very few recipes AND it has to be chopped off a large block before using.

The flavor profiles of brown sugar vs palm sugar are very similar. Both are sweet and have a slight bitterness to them from molasses. The palm sugar is more mellow in its sweetness, so if you try this recipe with palm sugar, you’ll probably need to increase it by 25% or so. But taste as you go, once it’s in, there’s no removing it!

Fish sauce – For the love of god: Turn on your brain before making this sauce. This dish is salt with salty, more salt, in a sauce of coconut milk. As will ALL salts, taste your dish before you add the salt, regardless of what the dish is. You may not need the salt.

COMMENTARY
This recipe is one of my most popular menu items of all time. Chocolate Truffle cake, chocolate chip cookies, peanut sauce, and pesto-alfredo sauce are the top four delicious items, in that order.

And so you now have the secret. But I believe it’s more than just the recipe that makes a dish delicious. It’s the chef who executes the recipe, and through that natural interpretation someone else’s peanut sauce will differ from mine just enough that I’m always going to have a job. I’m not worried about it.

TYROPITA
Yield: About 50 pieces

METHOD
1. In a dry saute pan (no oil), wilt the spinach over high heat. Add a little salt to help facilitate the wilting. Saute until completely wilted, then remove to a cutting board and roughly chop.

2. In a small sauce pan, over medium heat, melt the first measure of butter, then sweat the onions. When softened, add the flour and stir to make a white roux. This is extremely hot so don’t touch!

3. When the roux is simmering around the edges, slowly drizzle in about 1/3 of the milk while whisking. Yes, use a whisk to break up all the clumps. Then slowly drizzle in the remaining milk.

4. Bring to a boil for a few minutes until thickened, then remove from heat.

5. In a medium bowl, whisk the egg yolks, then slowly drizzle in the white sauce (bechamel) while constantly whisking. Add the nutmeg, feta, oregano, and spinach. Season to taste with the pepper (you probably won’t need salt).

6. In a small sauce pan, melt the second measure of butter, but don’t let it boil. remove from heat.

7. Unwrap the filo dough and lay out one sheet on your work surface. Carefully brush with butter, then lay out another filo sheet on top. Brush with butter again.

8. Cut in to 6 strips and scoop about 2 tsp of the filling on the end of each strip. Fold/roll each strip in to triangles (like folding the flag).

9. Lay out the folded tyropita on a sheet pan lined with parchment, and brush each pastry with more butter. Repeat steps 7-9 until all the filo is gone.

10. Bake at 375F for about 15 minutes until the pastry is puffy and golden.

NOTES
Filo is cheap, so buy TWO boxes in case there are damaged sheets in one box. Be careful, but no one’s going to die if you tear one or two.

If you need to, you can freeze these things IQF-style after you roll them and brush them with butter. Bake them off as needed.

COMMENTARY
Wow, no commentary this time. I wonder if I’m feeling ok?

NEVER wander back into the kitchen on your own, without an invitation or an escort. I don’t care who you think you are, we don’t want you there.

Sure, I get that you want to feel like a big man, or a popular host, or whatever, just because you know the chef and you want to show off for your guests by being “in”. Don’t do it. You’re not actually making the chef happy, you’re in fact guaranteeing that the chef and staff actually thinks less of you, as in “What kind of jag-off thinks he can just waltz back into my kitchen unwanted?” And what do you think that attitude is going to do to the overall level of service you get for the rest of the evening?

Not even other professional chefs are welcomed uninvited, but of course, if you’re a professional I would expect you to know the industry etiquette (sadly, though, many professional chefs are even bigger assholes than our guests).

That said, however, we chefs are extremely proud of our kitchens, our team, and the amazing work and effort that goes on here. And we like to show off and be admired just as much as the next guy. The way to do this is to ask your server or one of the floor staff if you can get a tour of the kitchen and meet the chef. If you put on even the slightest veneer of humility, just about every chef will graciously invite you back.

For me, if you ask ahead of time, I can make sure the place is clean, orderly, and safe for non-professionals. Getting invited back to the kitchen is getting to peek behind the curtain, and see how things really work. I know that if I have admiring guests, I love to show them everything and let them sample things, and talk with them about their own cooking experiences. I will talk their ear off! Guests who know and love food as much as professionals are a breed apart, and it’s always great to connect with someone who you’re serving food to.

But so help me god, if you waltz back into the kitchen like you own the place, you definitely run the risk of getting bodily thrown out!

BEEF SHORT RIBS
Yield: 2 servings (approx 8oz uncooked)

METHOD
1. Season all four sides of the short ribs with salt and pepper. In a medium saute pan over high heat, sear all four sides of each rib. Remove ribs to an oven-safe dish.

2. Sautee mushrooms in the same saute pan, which will soak up all the fat, and then start to release their moisture. Just before the mushrooms are nicely seared, add the garlic and finish searing the mushrooms stopping before they become soggy. Remove to the oven-safe dish with the beef.

3. Deglaze the pan with the red wine and stock. Bring to a boil, then pour over beef and mushrooms. Add the whole thyme to the dish.

4. Cover well, and braise in the oven for 5-6 hours at 275F.

5. Remove ribs from sauce, cover, and chill. Chill sauce.

6. The next day, remove solid fat from the top of the sauce. Reheat the sauce and bring to a boil. Reduce by 1/3 or 1/2, then add the ribs and reheat thoroughly. Be careful with the meat, it should be very tender at this point.

7. Remove ribs, keep warm, and season sauce. Skim sauce of any excess fat or scum, if necessary. Drizzle sauce over ribs and serve immediately.

NOTES
8oz of raw beef is a decent portion for a plated meal, but chowing down at home, I can eat a full pound of these things, easy.

COMMENTARY
I love a good braise, and nothing braises quite like beef. A braise means low, slow, and moist; it’s the complete opposite of roasting (but I violate that rule when I “roast” a turkey).

The crucial step to a good braise is to make the dish THE DAY BEFORE YOU NEED IT! If you make it ahead of time, let the meat chill, and then reheat and season, the gelatin present in the meat will have a lower melting point the second time around, making the meat even more tender and succulent than if you try to serve it right out of the oven when you first make it.

Fattier, tougher meats work best for a braise. Although I will braise a chicken, it takes a little more care because it will dry out, even though it’s sitting in all that moisture.

Top Chef fans, viewers, and other professional chefs: It KILLS me when one of those “chef-testants” say they’re going to braise something during a 30 minute Quick-Fire challenge. HELLO!!! Not a braise!! For fuck’s sake, why doesn’t Coliccio call them out? Any first-year student knows the definition of a braise. Why are these (supposed) super-talented chefs butchering the language and using terms so lazily? As a mentor of mine taught me: Words have meaning and power. Use them properly!

And now my rant is done. For now.

HUMMUS
Yield: 28 fl oz

METHOD
1. Drain chickpeas, then place in a pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil and cook until they’re EXTREMELY soft. You should be able to mush them easily between your fingers. Drain and reserve cooking liquid.

2. Combine chickpeas, lemon juice, garlic, and tahini in a food processor and puree until mostly smooth, then slowly drizzle in both oils. Puree until extremely smooth, and add a little of the reserved cooking liquid to thin out, as desired.

3. Season to taste

NOTES
#10 can of chickpeas yields 64 oz drained chickpeas

COMMENTARY
Are you Greek? Turkish? Lebanese? Egyptian? Let the brawling begin over the origin of hummus. Personally, I don’t think it matters. Let the hate mail flow.

The secret to this recipe is something I learned from a Lebanese friend: Boil the crap out of the chickpeas. I used to just puree the canned chickpeas, right of the can, but it never got super-smooth. There have been times when I boiled the chickpeas until they actually started falling apart. Maybe that was taking it a little too far, but the point remains. So anyway, thanks Joe, for the tip!

A lot of restaurants I’ve been to serve a very thin, pale hummus, and I think that’s because of more water, but also increasing the ratio of tahini. But practice this recipe and do what you want with it, to your own tastes.

Enjoy!

The menu was Chicken Satay with my famous (yes, famous) Peanut sauce, Crudite with Hummus, Sliders, Crab Cakes with red bell pepper aioli, and Gougeres (Matt!! The gougeres!!)

The whole party was a success, and the guests really seemed to have a great time. I know this because the bar tab was one of the highest per capita we’ve ever done. The only hitch was that the birthday girl forgot her ID, so my client had to go get it. But he did, and it all turned out ok.

Rebekah was one of the floor staff last night. I love having her on the team, she’ll eat anything! She mentioned that she loved my hummus, so I’ve decided to make that the first official recipe of Kung Fu Chef 2.0.

The easiest way to succeed at cooking is practice. And one of the parts of this practice is to read the recipe, several times through before you start anything. For god’s sake, do not start making a souffle and THEN realize the oven has to be on at 450F. Your souffle will die well before the oven gets hot enough. So if you read the recipe through before you start, you’ll be able to avoid many pitfalls, even if the recipe is poorly written.

All recipes are only a guideline. Don’t take ANY recipe as gospel, not even baking recipes. You can always change things, and depending on who wrote the recipe, your results may vary.

Recipes can be written to any skill level. Professional/kitchen/production recipes have a completely different format than the ones you’d find online (at say, AllRecipes), or the ones you’d find at Cook’s Illustrated (which are RIDICULOUSLY long and detailed. Just try actually using one of these things in a production environment. You’ll get your ass handed to you by the chef.)

Some constants do exist, though, or at least, there are some conventions that should be observed. All of the recipes on this blog will follow these conventions.

1. Ingredients should be listed in order of their incorporation, meaning sequentially. This makes the recipe much easier to keep track of where you are in the process.
2. Descriptions of ingredients in the ingredient list matter. “Onion, minced; 32 oz” is not the same as “Onion; 32oz”. The first means to mince a bunch of onions, weigh it out until you have 32 oz. The second means take whole onions and weigh out 32 oz. The first option is much easier and accurate in a production environment; the second is much easier when you’re in the store shopping.
3. “Oz” or “Ounces” ought to ALWAYS be weight. If the recipe writer intends volume measurement he or she damn well better be using “Fl oz” or “Fluid ounces”. Chalk this one up to being on the avoirdupois system instead of the metric system (not that I particularly love the metric system, it’s absolute shit for measuring temperature. The gradients aren’t as finely divided as Farenheit).
4. If the writer means volume, the recipe should use “fl oz”. Yes, I realize this is the same as #3, just said differently, but I feel pretty strongly about this one. Part of me is a pastry chef and this indiscriminate use of “ounces” really kills me.

Oh, and just for shits and grins, here are two simple recipes written to extremely different audiences. Mostly tongue-in-cheek, but there is some truth here. Obviously, most recipes will fall somewhere in the middle on this spectrum.

Mayonnaise, Detailed version
aka the Microsoft PM
1 Large AA chicken egg
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
1 teaspoon Kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon white refined sugar (cane or beet)
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard (Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?)
1 cup Canola oil

1. Separate egg yolk from white by carefully breaking the shell in half, and pouring the egg back and forth until the white falls away and you just have the yolk remaining. Place yolk in the work bowl of a food processor.
2. Pour vinegar into food processor with the yolk and add the salt, sugar, and Dijon. Put the lid on the food processor and pulse four times for 1 second each pulse.
3. Take off the lid and scrape down the sides of the work bowl. Replace the lid.
4. Turn on the food processor and slowly drizzle in the Canola oil through the little hole in the lid of the work bowl. This should be a thin, steady stream, at a rate of about .25 fluid ounces per second.
5. Remove the lid of the work bowl and scrape down the sides. Replace lid and pulse 4-6 times (sorry for the lack of specificity here) until everything is completely homogenous.
6. Remove the lid of the work bowl and dip a tasting spoon into the mayonnaise and taste. Evaluate for acid, saltiness, and sweetness. Adjust each seasoning as necessary, since flavor may vary, based in large part to the variance between the size of any given egg yolk.
7. Scrape mayonnaise out of work bowl into an airtight container and seal tightly. This will keep in the refrigerator for at least one month.

Mayonnaise, Professional version
aka Who the fuck can’t make mayo?
Make mayonnaise. Season to taste.

I almost didn’t believe it, but there it was, the drowning fly in the cream. WTF. This has got to be one of the weirdest things I’ve seen in the kitchen.

Flys are a common problem from time to time, and eradicating them takes a little effort. Unless, apparently, you’re trying to make whipped cream.

And yes, I dumped the cream and cleaned the bowl.

I’m fairly conflicted about what I’ve accomplished here since there are some pretty big failings I wish had gone differently, while at the same time I know my team and I made a lot of people happy and we did good work over the last six years.

I think my disappointments fall mostly into the “business” category. I’m not a business school graduate (I learned this all on the fly) so just like walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, I’m afraid these little failings show.

I wish I could grow the company to be a major player in the local catering scene, but I just don’t know how. I’ve banged my head against that wall for years, but no success; I don’t even know how to break down the problem, so how can I possibly attempt to solve it?

I look at some of the other successful large-ish catering companies in the area and wonder how they got to where they are now. I try to figure out what they’ve got that I don’t. Money and networking is what it comes down to, I think. Funding, loans, angel-investors all provide capital to grow. I made a decision to not go down that road with Starry Nights, and I realize now that’s artificially limited my potential here. Had I to do it over again, I like to think I’d go the other way and get investors to put up the cash instead of being self-financed.

And the other issue, networking, is less about networking and more about fashion, or being the cool kid in the room; not something I’ve ever been good at. I tried, but just couldn’t figure out how to get venues to list us as the preferred caterer. I think some of this is the crowd mentality of “being cool” meaning that if Venue A lists me as the caterer, then Venue B will need to do the same to stay on par. And if I’m not listed with Venue A, then why should Venue B? It’s a hard ceiling to crack and I just never made it work.

On the upside, though, I think I’ve had a lot of success as a chef. I’ve learned quite a bit about cooking and catering and I feel very accomplished with what I’ve done with my team. Our biggest job to-date was 750+ for a company in Tacoma and we nailed it with military precision. No screw-ups at all. We’ve catered several jobs simultaneously, too, which truly show how far I’ve come from my apprenticeship days when I would freak out about making lunch for 4!

And my cakes. What can I say about my cakes? While I’m proud (but humble) about our catering efforts, I’m downright arrogant about our cakes. They are the best available, no exceptions. Our execution and quality of ingredients makes them a steal, even though we’re on the high side of pricing. I’m very happy to say that most of the clients we don’t sign only do so because of price, never quality. I’d put my cakes up against any other cake maker in town in a blind taste-test and I’d bet that we’d win.

To the future: Changes are on the horizon for Starry Nights. I’ve got lots of ideas, but nothing I want to really dwell on or plan for at this point. When I’m feeling positive-minded, I can look at my accomplishments here at Starry Nights as a very solid learning experience that has prepped me for the next big leap in my career.

Onward and upward.

So far today, I’ve updated the “Resources” page with some listings, check ‘em out.

I’ll also slowly work through re-posting all my original content from the first incarnation of Kung Fu Chef, including kitchen notes, recipes, and general blog posts. Stay tuned.